On Right Answers- Again

"So, what was the best part of your trip?"
"Being back home to my wife".

(In the interest of full disclosure, he's been having a few communication glitches during the time he was gone, including forgetting to ask about an interview I had and writing "Home Sweet Home" on his Skype message).

On Right Answers

It seems to me pretty much a given that every marriage is based on the fundamental principle of Right Answers- with capitol letters! This might seem trivial, but it’s truly a cornerstone of every relationship I know of- and I don’t mean just answer to the infamous questions like: “Does this make me look fat?”, or “Do you think I have gained weight?”. This goes above and beyond triviality to get to the real core of everything you do and think, and the entire way you deal with each other.

For example, take flying together. My husband will always, ALWAYS ask me whether I prefer to sit on the aisle, and I know the answer is no. The fact that he asks is a nice sign of chivalry, and it is sweet, but we have a clear understanding that if we travel together, I take the middle seat. Do you really think I like the middle seat??? When I travel alone, do I take the middle seat??? Who likes the crappy middle seat anyway??? If airlines EVER had a true innovation on their concept, they should eliminate middles seats all together. What’s worse is that they KNOW: when you register for an airline’s miles program, you have to state a seat preference, and it’s always between aisle and window. Nobody ever asks you whether you prefer the middle seat- that alone should tell you something, don’t you think?? Enough digression- nobody likes the middle seat, so why should my husband ask me? Well, either he or I will have to seat there, and there’s always a choice. And seriously, I DO PREFER the middle. Why? Well, aside from being the right answer, if I ever choose to take the aisle and stuck him in the middle I know it will make for a very cranky flying husband, who for about 4 or 5 hours will be really brewing storm, and he’ll be even worse when we get off, and I get a cranky husband for at least a ten hours span. Now, I am not dumb, and I can take the middle seat without being cranky for 10 hours. I know the right answer, and it’s more- it’s the truth, it’s not just to please him. I don’t prefer the aisle. It’s an answer that has the nice side effect of sparing us a feud and a stupid bickering- and the answer is no, plain and simple.

I can take the aisle, but I cannot take criticism of my cooking, my planning (especially if I took the burden to plan when no one else did!), my sense of directions, and my general wifely skills. Questions that relate to any of the above, even in passing, have a right answer that my husband ALWAYS knows- not just to humor me, it’s a true and honest answer. If it wasn’t sincere, every marriage would be just a comedy, a race to find the right lies to please our partners… Our marriage is not a comedy, and I never even for a second doubt his honesty when he answers, and neither does he. He knows very well which ones are the right answers, and in exchange he takes the aisle seat, the best cut of meat, the largest portion of food, the laundry done (and folded, but not put away nor ironed!), and the last bite of the most delicious dessert which I ended up ordering.

Right answers are not about just saying them, it's about believing them. They become natural, second nature, all you need to do is just tell the truth. They are for sure the foundation of every solid marriage- or at least, they play a HUGE role in mine!!

On Marrying a Smart Husband

I think a lot of people overlook the importance of the qualities of the man you actually marry. In the end, there would not be that many divorces if everyone was REALLY careful in the choice process, right? You think that looks are important, money maybe, sex drive, affinity, compatibility, maybe the fact you got pregnant before assessing any of the above… I don't necessarily disagree, but the one quality that surpasses all others and you really want to make sure your husband complies with is INTELLIGENCE. Marrying a smart man is one of the most intelligent things I have done myself.

Let me give you an example…

Say that you might be stranded in a country that is not your own, for over 9 months (and counting), and your favorite thing in the world EVER is to travel. Let’s also assume that the reason why you are stranded in said country is your marital status, and the fact you decided to get married no matter whether the visa issue would have gotten completely unbearable. Let’s also say that you can solely blame your husband for your miserable status of stranded non-immigrant resident. Now, imagine said husband decides to spend what coincides with your school Spring break in Italy, with his family. And as a consequence, since you cannot leave the country, you would end up being home, alone, stranded, not in school, and pretty much fuming.

This is where the smart husband really shines in all his intelligence. He did the math before I even got to the point that he was going to be gone while I was on a break, and started saying “Isn’t any of your friends going on a trip? Why don’t you look for someone to take a trip with?” I wasn’t too convinced, but he was insisting “Really, if she cannot afford it I will buy the ticket for one of your friends to go with you on a Spring break vacation!” This is when I started being suspicious- what was this Spring break thing all about? And then I (finally!) looked at the calendar, and realized I had married the smartest man in the world. And a lucky one, too, because in fact I DID find a friend to travel with! My classmate is also married and her husband was going to work throughout our break- perfect conditions! So, we are heading out on March 22^nd for Big Island in Hawaii, and spending a week of sun, beach, and general married-without-husbands debauchery!

He is the best husband in the world. Being smart is serving him well in the matrimonial set!

On Being Married

I don’t even know where to start with this, because although I know this is going to be a fun ride, I also suspect that I could end up being the Heather of matrimony: Blogging cost Heather her job, this might cost me my marriage. However, I truly, truly, enjoy being married, and not just being married in general but being married to my specific fantastic husband. Hence, a good place where to start is with a disclaimer which contains the top ten reasons (there are many, many more!) why I really want to stay married, and in particular, stay married to you:

1. You are wonderful, smart, funny, talented, serious, dedicated, good looking and incredibly, fantastically, hyperbolically in love with me- and me with you. That helps.
2. You listen to me. Even when I don’t make much sense, you actually listen to what I have to say, and in addition, you actually take my advice. I find it all incredible and I love you more for that.
3. You are patient. Patience with me is of capital importance, since I do know I can drive you insane from time to time…
4. You are just as silly as me, which makes for wonderful endless silly conversations that usually leave me giggling like a two-year old.
5. You complement me. In many, many ways you complement me and balance me every day.
6. You get my sense of humor. I seriously was starting to believe I didn’t have one anymore.
7. You are serious, and that is wonderful since I need to counterbalance my craziness here and there.
8. You believe in me, every day, throughout the process, you always, continuously believe in what I have to offer, in my talent, and in my potential.
9. You are intense in the things you do, you don’t come to compromises, you are determined and focused and nothing can get you off track.
10. I know that if I stick around long enough I will be married to a CEO, which is kinda cool.

Other various reasons why I like to be married to you:

• You do the dishes and take out the garbage and help with the house day-to-day maintenance (even if we’d like to take this one for granted, ladies, we better never do so- our fathers are still looming over our domestic happiness!).
• I really, really, really like to mess up with your self-created conception of the World At Large.
• You pay the bills on time and I don’t have to worry or remind you a thousand times.
• You are taking me places (both physical and non).
• You make really funny Kermit the Frog faces when I say things that really take you by surprise.
• You fix things when you don’t have any other choice.
• You let me be myself, and you don’t try to constrain me to who you think I should be.
• I am always in love with you.

I already know our first argument will come shortly after posting this, but meanwhile I would like to think I can enjoy talking about being 30 something and married, and all the things that go with it…