On Items That Save Your Marriage

The first time my husband and I went to Hawaii together, I was there for a conference. He joined me before the coneference was over, so while I spent the whole day indoor waiting for the dreadful sessions to finish, he was out happily snorkeling in Oahu’s Hanamua Bay, one of the few snorkeling spots on the island. Maybe you don’t know this, but my husband’s complexion is as fair as it gets, and it takes nothing for him to get sunburnt. He usually “dips” himself into 45 spf sunscreen, and off he goes. That day, he was so eager to get in the water and “follow the fishies” (his words), that he might have missed a few spots. That, and the fact that he spent a full 4 hours without getting out of the water made him a walking blister. His skin was, literally, seared. He was so burnt he was in extreme physical pain, preventing us from going out to dinner, or even getting out of the hotel room. As a good perspective wife I headed out to the pharmacy to get every possible ointment in commerce to sooth his burning skin, but I could not really hide the fact I was furious. I got even more pissed off when the following day we could not go to the beach, or be in direct sunlight, because he was just too burnt. We toured the island with him driving with the seat back completely down (you know, like when you try to have sex in the car?), so he could drive without having to lean on anything. I was steaming- so before heading back we stopped at a surfing store and bought a spf t-shirt- you know, those rash-guard things you wear while surfing (or snorkeling, you see!) to prevent spoiling every vacation for your wife…

We refer to that t-shirt as a “Marriage-Savior” item. He knows very well that the next time he ventures snorkeling without that one on, I am going to ask for a divorce…