On Right Answers

It seems to me pretty much a given that every marriage is based on the fundamental principle of Right Answers- with capitol letters! This might seem trivial, but it’s truly a cornerstone of every relationship I know of- and I don’t mean just answer to the infamous questions like: “Does this make me look fat?”, or “Do you think I have gained weight?”. This goes above and beyond triviality to get to the real core of everything you do and think, and the entire way you deal with each other.

For example, take flying together. My husband will always, ALWAYS ask me whether I prefer to sit on the aisle, and I know the answer is no. The fact that he asks is a nice sign of chivalry, and it is sweet, but we have a clear understanding that if we travel together, I take the middle seat. Do you really think I like the middle seat??? When I travel alone, do I take the middle seat??? Who likes the crappy middle seat anyway??? If airlines EVER had a true innovation on their concept, they should eliminate middles seats all together. What’s worse is that they KNOW: when you register for an airline’s miles program, you have to state a seat preference, and it’s always between aisle and window. Nobody ever asks you whether you prefer the middle seat- that alone should tell you something, don’t you think?? Enough digression- nobody likes the middle seat, so why should my husband ask me? Well, either he or I will have to seat there, and there’s always a choice. And seriously, I DO PREFER the middle. Why? Well, aside from being the right answer, if I ever choose to take the aisle and stuck him in the middle I know it will make for a very cranky flying husband, who for about 4 or 5 hours will be really brewing storm, and he’ll be even worse when we get off, and I get a cranky husband for at least a ten hours span. Now, I am not dumb, and I can take the middle seat without being cranky for 10 hours. I know the right answer, and it’s more- it’s the truth, it’s not just to please him. I don’t prefer the aisle. It’s an answer that has the nice side effect of sparing us a feud and a stupid bickering- and the answer is no, plain and simple.

I can take the aisle, but I cannot take criticism of my cooking, my planning (especially if I took the burden to plan when no one else did!), my sense of directions, and my general wifely skills. Questions that relate to any of the above, even in passing, have a right answer that my husband ALWAYS knows- not just to humor me, it’s a true and honest answer. If it wasn’t sincere, every marriage would be just a comedy, a race to find the right lies to please our partners… Our marriage is not a comedy, and I never even for a second doubt his honesty when he answers, and neither does he. He knows very well which ones are the right answers, and in exchange he takes the aisle seat, the best cut of meat, the largest portion of food, the laundry done (and folded, but not put away nor ironed!), and the last bite of the most delicious dessert which I ended up ordering.

Right answers are not about just saying them, it's about believing them. They become natural, second nature, all you need to do is just tell the truth. They are for sure the foundation of every solid marriage- or at least, they play a HUGE role in mine!!